Who are you?
Hello Mr. President, I’m Yelena Zhukov, a sergeant in the Roszvgardia’s User Experience Team.
Why the f*ck are you here?
We’ll Sir, you asked for a meeting with the Roszvgardia. You know. About the Ukraine reset?
“I’m sooo sorry! I mean the thing-that’s something other than a Ukraine reset.”
Yelena smiles sheepishly, “You know Mr. President, I’m a little new to double-think.”
“Why are you here? You’re a kid.”
“I’m the senior officer in Moscow now. Haven’t you heard, everyone else died … I mean become heroes in … Kharkiv. What a great victory, huh?”
Yelena collects herself and begins confidently.
“Hello my name is Yelena Zhukov, I’m a sergeant in the user experience team of the Moscow office of Roszvgardia. I know what you’re thinking, yes I am related to General Zhukov. Duh! You don’t get an important job like mine without connections. The General is my great great …
“What’s user experience?”
“Your vision of reality and there’s, maybe.”
“You mean agitprop?”
“Close enough! So let’s get started. Let me just launch my pitch deck.
User Experience Design has many uses:
Seamlessly entering the subway system – when Gazprom Pay is working, of course.
Learning about new versions of the truth as they are published on Gazprom media.
Even simple things, like the nob on your Gazprom-heated radiator at home.
“I know Gazprom owns everything. What’s this have to do with the Ukraine reset?”
“Good question! That’s the next slide
Next slide is the word WONDER
After a lot of late nights, the UX Experience team and the Branding teams settled on the acronym WONDER for the Ukraine reset. Let’s explore why!
Hit the space bar and each slide goes by.
W is for worldly
O is for open
N is for new
D is for daring
E is for evanescent
R is for repeatable
Using this benchmark let’s look at some of the strengths and weakness of the-special operation.
Now let’s look at each one in turn and see how our Special Operation is doing:
W ? Worldly
If we’re going to be a super power again, we’re going to have to act like one.
Notes: Worldly? More like What the Fuck
Speakers note: This is an intriguing design but our concept of ‘open’ must include structural integrity and liveability.
O – open. Image of that building in Mariupol with an O shaped hole in it’s center caused by a missile. Speakers note: This is an intriguing design but our concept of ‘open’ must include structural integrity and liveability.
N – new. President Putin, your approach to Ukraine is very 21st century in terms of military hardware, but our focus groups kept coming back to the Mongols. I’m not a brand manager, only a UX designer, but I have to ask, is this an image you want attached to your brand?
Speaker’s Note: encourage participants to consider whether the fastest way to embrace the new is by blasting cities into rubble? Has this something-other-than-war become unfocused? Encourage them to come to this conclusion themselves, don’t lecture.
D – daring. Terror is a very old fashioned approach to daring. Have you considered more contemporary approaches, for example matching mauve and ochre?
E – evanescence. This is that special something, that frisson which every special operation aspites to.
Speakers note: Note that many people feel thermobaric bombs are overkill in terms of evanescence. Suggest friendly alternatives, for example scented candles and rose water baths.
R – repeatability. This exercise is about creating and replicating a brand. Your best new customers are your existing ones. Why kill them?
Speakers note: WTF?