Fox News to Broadcast in Newspeak

Fox news announced today that it was going to begin selectively broadcasting in Newspeak. The complete transition is to occur over a 10 year period, and will use the 14th (Amcap) edition of Newspeak. [American capitalist version of NS -ed]

“I can see some compelling business reasons for doing this” notes linguistic political philosopher Xavier Dutcher.  “According to a recent study by the American Heritage Foundation over 90% of Fox’s content can be summarized by the three Newspeak phrases ‘govreg double plus bad’, ‘milicon upfund double plus good’ and ‘bigbiz doubleplus good’. This will take a load off of the writers for Hannity, O’Reilly and Beck. That will give them an opportunity to focus on more important issues, like recent successes in the war against EastAsia. I mean EurAsia. I mean on our southern border.”

“What about the decision to use the Amcap dialect of Newspeak? Isn’t that controversial?”
“Twenty years ago, perhaps. Even as recently as 1984 the Ingsol dialect of Newspeak was widely spoken throughout Oceania, particularly in England, Canada and much of India. But thanks in no small part to the efforts of Tony Blair, Stephen Harper and the Tata family its only used now by some coal mining shop stewards, and in sociology departments of left-wing universities. “

“However, I would be untruthing if I said there won’t be awkward moments. For example in Amcap Newspeak there are no words for universal health care or Palestinian. That may make discussions about England’s National Health Service or Hamas somewhat awkward. Not that Fox’s viewership cares about these issues.” 

Despite these potential drawbacks, most conservative pundits were thrilled by the development. Neoconservative George Willi (no relation) for example noted in a recent article for the Orange County Sturmabteilung that, “in conventional English it can be awkward to explain that a massive increase in military spending is fiscally responsible, whereas doublethink is built right into Newspeak. So although you could write ‘Upfund milicon fisciprude’ you don’t have to. Its a given in Amcap Newspeak that there is no financial cost to paying military contractors. That is triple plus good.”